Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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