i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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