Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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