but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
