I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
