yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
