I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
