Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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