Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
