We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think I just sharted jello shots
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