we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
