We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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