Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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