On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
