One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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