i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
