i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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