is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
