I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
