i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize