All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
