OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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