dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think people are normalizing furries
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
