Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
