Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
