lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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