Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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