Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
