How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
