I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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