happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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