I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
