It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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