no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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