do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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