I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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