her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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