Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Actions speak louder than pants.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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