Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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