Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
