I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
