from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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