At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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