Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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