babies were throwing up all over the place
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
