don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
