Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
