As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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