I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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