Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
