dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't turn off my feet"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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