WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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