:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
