I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I forget how to act sober
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
