Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
