My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
