The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
