They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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