drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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