Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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