I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
