And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
