Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize