Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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