im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
