I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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