3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
