call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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