Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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