I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
