bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
