He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize