I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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