if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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