We're facebook friends in real life
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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