we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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