Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
