He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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