Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
