I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
