We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My ATM looks so different sober.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
