Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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