i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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